Friday, January 8, 2010

Does this make me a bad pet owner?

I am not, by any means, a good sleeper.

I used to be worse and would barely sleep, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that there are times when there’s no point in being awake. Still, I’m a light sleeper and will wake up for anything—a car driving by, someone walking past our apartment, a shuttle launch down in Cape Canaveral. Throw in a kicky, restless puggle that can’t decide if she’d rather be under the covers or under some of the covers or on top of the covers or on top of the humans or under the humans or in-between the humans or sharing the human’s pillows or oh is it snack time already?... Suffice it to say, I wake up a lot at night.

Sometimes I wake up and I’m fine. Stumble to the bathroom and I’m out again in a couple of seconds. Sometimes I awake and worry about people I love dying. Sometimes I get angry that I have to get up in an hour. Sometimes I wonder why I wake up at the exact same time repeatedly (it was 3:30A on the nose, but it's recently shifted to 4:28), and then start thinking about Stephen King’s Insomnia and if I’ll be seeing the little white alien doctors anytime soon, and if I'll eventually progress to not being able to sleep at all. Other times I worry about my apartment being infested by gremlins or how unsafe it would be in a zombie attack, and wonder why I ever moved into it in the first place when I knew it was unfit from the get-go.

Monday night I had a new one. Last week The Human Male and I rented Paranormal Activity. This was my decision—I heard it was scary, and despite my late-night concerns, I like scary things. The premise of the movie is simple: a guy and a girl have had an increase of weird occurrences in their house, so they decide to record it. You find out pretty early on that it’s a demon that’s been following the girl around her whole life and harassing her. So while it was scary, I wasn’t too concerned—I’m positive there hasn’t been a demon following me around for the past few decades (nor The Human Male).

Alas, 4:15 rolled around, and I awoke with a start. I don’t know why, and I never found out why. But I did have a suspicion: I’d suddenly contracted a demon.

And not just any demon: one that was dead set on reaching under the blankets to grab my feet. And I was terrified—not that it’d pull me away and bite me like in the movie, but that it would actually reach under my blankets to touch my feet. The horror!

I started getting flashes from the movie of the scariest scenes, and I just knew—KNEW—that I was a goner. My feet were going to be touched by a demon and I would have to die while The Human Male and Alice slumbered comfortably next to me. While growing more and more upset about my imminent demise and angry that The Human Male and Alice didn’t have to deal with this, it did cross my mind that Alice—who will wake from a dead sleep to bark at a leaf falling off a tree or dust settling on a counter in the middle of the night—might make a little noise if a demon sauntered into the bedroom. But what if the demon put some kind of spell on her and she didn’t?

With my tossing and turning, Alice woke up and decided it was time to move, lick my face, and play with toys. That’s when I got my brilliant idea. I picked up Alice, threw her under the blankets, and tucked my feet under her.

I think in my panic I’d thought that it’d be like a little alarm system: the demon would lift up the blankets to touch my feet, and the puggle would awaken and arise, barking the demon out of the apartment. My feet would stay safe (and subsequently quite cozy and warm under 21 pounds of puggle).

When I got up on Tuesday, however, I realized what I’d done: I was willing to sell out my dog so that a demon wouldn’t touch my feet.

My question to you is, what makes someone a good, responsible pet owner? Is it that you’re willing to take care of and protect your dog in real situations, or do you automatically get labeled as a bad one if you’d be willing to bid your dog arrivederci, sucka in outlandish ones?

8 comments:

puggles said...

haha that is funny, your puggle can protect you from the demon. I think it is funny when people think that because something happened in a fictional movie, and you watched it recently, now it will happen to you. Why wouldn't something happen from a movie you watched 5 years ago?

By the way after watching that movie I am now scared of the attic, lol (just kidding)

Mr. Puggle said...

the fact you are even questioning being a bad pet owner would indicate you are not. :)

sorry to hear you are not sleeping well. that can affect your entire life. dr. oz just had a show about it. 1/3 of us have it. more women than men. top 3 reasons, medication, worry, and snoring. 15% needs to go to a doctor for help.

i can't sleep with mr. p bc he keeps me up. licking, moving, smacking his lips, running in his sleep. i don't know how you guys do it.

fear & demons? well being a spiritual gal i have thoughts on that. there is evil that roams this earth. there are demons here. imo, if you feel fear, then it is coming from evil you can't see around you.

2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

Hope you get a good night sleep tonight. Maybe bubble bath therapy? :)

Mr. Puggle said...

about.com said:

Alcoholic beverages are often consumed in the late afternoon (e.g., at "happy hour" or with dinner) without further consumption before bedtime. Studies show that a moderate dose1 of alcohol consumed as much as 6 hours before bedtime can increase wakefulness during the second half of sleep.

You drink a glass of wine with dinner right? Maybe that is waking you up? Especially if you ate dinner at the same time each night = wake up at 3:30. And then changed your dinner time by one hour = wake up at 4:28.

mamala said...

As someone very familiar with your sleep patterns (an lack thereof) I can tell you, that your waking is probably triggered by some outside event. I remember the newspaper being delivered to mailboxes in the middle of the night and although by the time you were conscious, the car was gone, but I knew that was what awakened you. Also, maybe an upstairs neighbor has started getting up to make a bathroom trip at night or has an early morning job. Sometimes, you just aren't fully awake until after the noise that woke you subsides.
That being said... you KNOW I told you not to watch scary movies. Light sleeping and vivid imaginations are hereditary!
Guarding the bed at night is what dogs do best. A dog has the power of love and loyalty and that beats a gremlin every time! So give Alice a snack and go to bed!

Riley said...

You a good mommy

Mr. Puggle said...

so. last night night i wake up at 3:28. i swear. i said to myself, "oh no you have the alice mama's sleeping curse." then i say, "oh never mind she gets up at 4:28." then as i was trying to get back to sleep it dawned on me, it was 4:28 east coast time. ahhhhh ahahah. hope it skipped you last night.

after reading mamala's comment, ear plugs might help you too. i use them when i have a big project and really need a good night's sleep.

Ariel said...

OMD Puggle Alice human Granny is a complete Insomniac! I try to get her to bed but she is on the computer or doing the dishes or talking on the phone to whoever is up at that time. Or blogging or doing research. I wish something would scare her to sleep....BOL!
Thanks for sharing. No more scary movies for human Mom before bed. That is what the Puggle orders.
Snicker! Snicker!
Licks and Wags, Ariel <3

Alice's Human Female said...

Puggles: I have to tell you, when I was up, I was a little worried that there was a picture of me in my upstairs neighbor's apartment above the bed. EEEEEE!

Mamala: I'm positive it's just noisy neighbors. My upstairs neighbor dropped something on the floor at 4A Monday morning, so I was up to hear every little sound that happens in the building between 4-6A. It ends up that several people leave, someone does construction on their deck, and everyone makes bathroom trips. Mystery solved!

Mr. Puggle: I wonder if the 4:28 EST wake-up is a trait of all puggle-owners...

All: I loved all of your comments! Thanks! I will refrain from the scary movies... for a while. :)